What If You Had Xan’s Magic?

by Jenny Crusie | Your Turn | June 30th, 2007 |

What if you could cast spells like Xan? (Try not to lose your grip, it only leads to gold dust.)

What would you do if you were Xan?

17 Comments so far

  1. ubergeekmom June 30th, 2007 7:38 am

    If I were Xan, I’d perfect LARS, Loser Attitude Readjustment Spell. One whiff of its sunny, clean scent surly auto mechanics patiently explain the intricasies of the combustion engine, cranky store clerks race to find just the right shoes in the unopened shipments and supercilious employers recognize your vast and wonderful contribution to the company with vast and wonderful wages increases.

    Once LARS was perfected, I’d figure out how to bottle and market it. Two things result. First, I’d have enough cash flow to ditch the supercilious employer. Second, with enough LARS floating around life in general will be simpler and much more pleasant.

    I’d also make an extra-strength LARS, combine it with the very effective Smarten-Up spell, and sign an exclusive license with the Cellar. Smart-LARS would make a covert appearance anywhere political leaders were making particularly dumbass decisions.

    Thanks for listening.

  2. Mary Stella June 30th, 2007 9:23 am

    I can’t come up with an answer while I’m laughing so hard at ubergeekmom’s Loser Attitude Readjustment Spell. That’s terrific!

  3. Jamie H June 30th, 2007 10:11 am

    This one’s easy: I’d take over the freakin’ world!

  4. K.L. June 30th, 2007 11:32 am

    I’d create a bounce-back spell, so that anyone who did violence in God’s name (under any religion) would have their violence bounce back to themselves. No more Crusades or holy wars. You want to kill for power? Quit hiding it behind religion.

  5. McB June 30th, 2007 10:35 pm

    A mirror spell. Stupid, rude, or inconsiderate people would have their behavior reflected, causing them to look like what they really are. It’s about time they stopped getting away with it, don’t you thing?

  6. Jennifer Talty June 30th, 2007 10:59 pm

    I’d cast a spell that would make men suffer from PMS ten tmes worse than the worst case.

  7. robena grant June 30th, 2007 11:40 pm

    I think I’d use my gift to create good rather than evil. I’d get reluctant lovers together (also those who just didn’t have a clue or were scared to death of committment.) Then I’d sit back and sigh about all of the happiness I’d created. I know, I know, it would create an avalanche of nauseated feelings from the majority … I’m such a bleeding Pollyanna.

  8. Theresa July 1st, 2007 2:22 am

    I like the idea of a bounce back spell. I’ve often thought that there needs to be some sort of magic so that whenever anyone litters, the moment the litter touches the ground it magically reappears in the litterer’s yard. Or house. Or maybe even bed.

  9. dee July 1st, 2007 8:38 am

    Xan just scares me. I don’t want her powers. With that much power, it would be too easy to try to take over the world, as someone else mentioned.
    Yeah, I’m actually serious. I know myself, how I like to be in charge, how control might as well be my middle name. If I had the power to cast spells that would get me virtually anything I want? Tooooo tempting.
    I’d rather have a single, limited power that I could develop and perfect than have Xan’s powers. Because honestly? I’d so end up as dust in the end. And I seriously doubt it would be gold!

  10. minya July 1st, 2007 9:18 pm

    I’d cast a spell to have Jenny, Krissie, and Eileen write faster so we could have more fantastic new books to read!

  11. Shoshana July 1st, 2007 11:29 pm

    I hear you, Dee! Personally, though, I’m far too petty to worry about that aspect of it. I know precisely what I’d do: a Language Comprehension And Fluency spell. Then I could make a living traveling all over the world, translating for folks. Talk about fun! And it’s a livlihood, so no working worries. Yup, I like it. One-time-use only, but that’s okay! Xan’s is the type of power you can just have in the back of your head as an emergency reserve and never worry about in day-to-day life.
    Xan is AWESOME, by the by! Maleficent used to be my favourite villainess, but Xan has edged her out!

  12. RandomRanter July 2nd, 2007 3:02 pm

    I thought you all were being way to selfless (yeah, yeah, I know, better attitudes and no holy wars would make things better for us all) but I’m over here thinking free cashmere hoodies! (They are free right? Yes, I’m sure they must be.) But I like the get my favorite authors to write faster one, just the right blend of selfish/selfless in my opinion.

  13. BCB July 2nd, 2007 9:40 pm

    What if you could cast spells like Xan?

    What do you mean, IF?

  14. J. July 2nd, 2007 9:54 pm

    Xan. She really came into her own and I loved it.
    I’d use my spells to rid the world of nasty people, one at a time, as I came upon them. Like say, a mugger in an alley. I’d so turn him into a rat. A huge ungly rat.
    With warts, maybe.
    And a purple tail.
    :D

  15. J. July 2nd, 2007 10:02 pm

    GAH ERASE!
    I totally meant that answer for Lizzie.
    Oooh … I’m turning red as I type.
    Delete! Delete!
    LOL …

  16. Sheri July 3rd, 2007 5:31 pm

    Xan’s power would be great, but I think it would be scary also. If I got mad at someone I would say the first thing that came to my mind and “poof”–I would turn them into a spider or a cockroach or something and then I would feel bad and I would have to turn them back into a person again and apologize and give them three wishes to make up for turning them into something nasty. Whew! Nope, too much responsibility!

    I would make a potion for instant weight loss without the flab–I could make millions!! “Drink this liquid and you will be slim and beautiful–no tummy tuck required!”

  17. blade's kiss July 4th, 2007 1:05 pm

    Well i am pagan and we have something called the three fold. which means what goes around comes around 3x. lol so i would never want to be someone like her lol in her next life she might come back as a slug or fly..
    but if i did have a power as great as hers i agree with #
    K.L. June 30th, 2007 11:32 am…war,rasicm,etc should never be held in the name of religion. it would be nice to have everyone equal, no one better, no one lesser. just to have people understand just b/c i am a witch doesnt make me a freak, or scarey would be great.the not living in fear all the time that my family or I will be hurt just b/c I am what I am…

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